Safeguarding a Marriage

Speaking of a young newlywed couple Elder Bruce C. Hafen said, "Marrying and raising children can yield the most valuable religious experiences of their lives. Covenant marriage requires a total leap of faith: they must keep their covenants without knowing what risks that may require of them. They must surrender unconditionally, obeying God and sacrificing for each other. Then they will discover what Alma called “incomprehensible joy.”"

I have always loved to watch newlyweds. I find their extreme happiness adorable. They're so excited about life! They are full of hope and are down right giddy with their many plans for the future. They don't know what lies ahead for their life. Acting on their faith and on the promises of joy, they enter into marriage committed and courageous. Health problems, job difficulties, infertility or even death might befall them but in a covenant marriage they are not deterred. A covenant marriage will work through any and all problems that befall them. Does that mean it will be as easy? Certainly not.

Elder Hafen talks about three wolves that enter into marriage seeking to destroy the relationship. The first wolf is the wolf of natural adversity. There are many tragedies in life. Accident, death, the inability to have children, disease and more can tear two people apart that are not committed to a covenant marriage. The second wolf is the test of their own imperfections. No one is perfect so expecting perfection from a spouse in unreasonable. Improving our own faults will go much further than pointing out the faults of a spouse. The third wolf is the wolf of excessive individualism. Me, me, me. That's what the world wants us to believe is important. Instead of looking outward to serve, this wolf encourages one to sink inward and only help themselves. Not surprisingly, this wolf leads to loneliness and despair both in a marriage and as an individual. Satan wants to destroy individuals and delights in taking marriages down at the same time.

I love what Elder Bednar said about protecting the sacred relationship between husband and wife. "Given what we know about our enemy's intent, each of us should be especially vigilant in seeking personal inspiration on how we can protect and safeguard our own marriages." Another quote by Elder Whitney Clayton is above. Marriage is a gift from our Father in Heaven and the quality of our marriage is the gift we give in return. When looked at in this context, ideas on marriage responsibility can change.

Despite the challenges thrown at a couple in a covenant marriage, they hold steady and continue moving closer to God. There is no better place to feel peace than in the temple. Elder Hafen closed with this, "When we observe the covenants we make at the altar of sacrifice, we discover hidden reservoirs of strength." Can you think of a marriage that doesn't need a hidden reservoir of strength? What a wonderful promise to help with all the unseen twists and turns we take here in mortality.

Anchor in Society

Does marriage really matter? I have always grown up knowing marriage is important though as a youth I’m not sure I knew the true importance of it until now. In an ever-shifting world of moral values, more than ever before we must take a stand for what we know to be true. In the Proclamation to the Family we read, “The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan.” When I read the word essential, I tune in. Air is essential to our lungs. Blood is essential to our heart. Water, food, shelter. All of these are basic essentials are needed for survival. Our loving Heavenly Father gave us the gift of marriage and families. Without marriage, children, families and society suffers. In the Primary song, The Family is of God written by Matthew Neely, the chorus beautifully reminds us of His plan. “God gave us families to help us become what He wants us to be—“ Reaching our full potential begins with marriage between a man and woman.

Where is our strength? In the article The Divine Institution of Marriage we read, “Strong, stable families, headed by a father and mother, are the anchor of society. “ That statement provides a good visual for me. An unmoving anchor is defined as a family containing a father and a mother. The important role marriage plays in society is overlooked and underplayed. It’s not just a role in society, it is the role. Marriage is a key player in providing the stability and safety individuals need to thrive. Looking at the above anchor provides even more clarification. The family is balanced with a mother and father and they are indeed equals. Think of an anchored boat close to the shore and the boat is representing society. In the water, the boat is ever moving, shifting and changing positions, just like the opinions and morals of the world today. Millions of families, led by a father and mother, work together to stay safe on the shore.

How do we move forward? The last statement in The Proclamation to the family issues a charge for each one of us. “We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.” It is our responsibility as members of the church and members of society to use our voice and vote to support marriage and eliminate threats that take away the important union of man and woman.

Hope and Healing

This Mormon Message, based on Elder Oak's talk, Divorce, came out a few years ago. I love the powerful visual this video portrays. A husband is seriously injured in a car accident and his wife is diligently by his side, clearly emotional and worried about his survival. Elder Oaks said, "A marriage, like a human life, is a precious, living thing. If our bodies are sick, we seek to heal them. We do not give up. While there is any prospect of life, we seek healing again and again. The same should be true of our marriages, and if we seek Him, the Lord will help us and heal us." Most of us can’t imagine walking away from a critically injured spouse still lying in a hospital bed. With his counsel in mind, we shouldn’t immediately walk away from a critically injured marriage either.

In his talk he is also clear to point out this doesn't mean staying in marriages where abuse and repeated breaking of covenants is present. Marriages in that state might need to end. Instead it means working through disappointment and heartache because it will be a part of your marriage at one point or another. In short healing a marriage means what President Monson said, "Choose your love. Love your choice." Choosing to love your spouse through difficult life experiences will strengthen your bond.

"A good marriage does not require a perfect man or a 

perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman 

committed to strive together toward perfection."

~Dallin H. Oaks

~Strengthening Family~

I love a quote shared by President Kimball, “…only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us.”  Some of the ways I work to strengthen and preserve my family is to stick with the basics. We attend church, read scriptures as a family and have family home evening (most of the time). It’s not always spirit filled but we push through those times and it helps us more fully recognize the times we do feel the spirit. It’s important for me to keep distractions to a minimum so as a family we work hard to not over schedule ourselves. Keeping communication is open is also important in keeping a family safe from the adversary. It’s been a new adventure having teenagers. They are fun and exhausting! One way we work together is to keep lines of communication open so when we are struggling we can discuss it. Building a strong family foundation together is essential.