Destination: Eternity

Do you have a good sense of direction? Is it easy for you to find where you are going? Does a map help you? Honestly, I'm terrible with directions. I need a map to find a desired location. Don't tell me east or west unless you want to confuse me (no Utah mountains for reference where I live). I have to know if you mean right or left. And even then I might get lost. Sadly, I've even proven this statement with my smart phone. Just ask my kids. We've seen more of the industrial side of Portland than necessary. 

Maps provide direction and safety when traveling uncharted territory. When you study a map, you understand your destination a little more than you did before. A map is a wise resource for travelers all over the world.

Now, think about this. What road is your marriage on? Where are you heading as a couple? Have you ever felt lost? Ever wondered how you and your spouse somehow ended up on a different road? In a covenant marriage when two people marry their destination is eternity. Reaching that destination might be more difficult than it seemed on their wedding day. Life, including marriage, is full of surprises, challenges and heartaches. Distance can grow between a husband and wife from daily distractions. Over time this slowly erodes plans for their eternal destination. This explains my marriage and the heartache that followed 13 years later. Challenges and stress came our way and we found ourselves on completely different roads. A crossroads, really. I knew I was not going to abandon the road that helped me keep my covenants. I needed to stay the course I knew to be true.  What kind of map can help a marriage build a stronger connection and focus on eternity?

What kind of map can help a marriage build a stronger connection and focus on eternity? Dr. John M. Gottman said, "Emotionally intelligent couples are intimately familiar with each other's world. I call this having a richly detailed love map." What exactly does this mean? Dr. Gottman says a different way of explaining a love map is that couples remember major events in each other's history and continue building on that information as your spouse's feelings and world change through the years. He says without a love map how can you truly know your spouse? And the follow up question, If you don't know them, how can you love them? The combination of knowing and loving your spouse give you the strength to weather storms in a marriage.

In his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Gottman gives couples a few ideas to evaluate and build their love maps. A questionnaire, an activity involving points (Hello, friendly competition!) and suggestions for open-ended questions to update information on your spouse that may have shifted or changed due to life circumstances. There is no way to predict the challenges a couple will face in their marriage. Having a plan to really know and love your spouse is a wonderful place to start building love maps. Conscience and sincere effort to strengthen your marriage will be rewarded. In his book Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, H. Wallace Goddard said, "Character and companionship do not come without consistent investment." Though it is not an easy assignment, investing in an eternal marriage relationship will bring about great rewards.