The Postscript

In H. Wallace Goddard's book, Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, the fourth chapter is centered on humility and repentance to rid yourself of pride. He wrote a very specific postscript at the end of his thoughts that has been with me since I finished reading it. He said, "If, as you read this chapter, you found yourself thinking how much your partner needs it, I encourage you to re-read the chapter with yourself in mind." Pretty direct, right? Almost an 'ouch' factor if you were, in fact, thinking about your spouse when you read it. Much of the time we are able to see the pride in others but are quite reluctant to admit the pride we have in our own hearts.

 

Earlier in the chapter Goddard writes, "When we are feeling irked, annoyed or irritated with our spouse, we have our backs toward heaven. We are guilty of pride." Whoa. Those are feelings stemming from pride? Relationships everywhere deal with these issues, sometimes on a daily basis. We accuse a spouse and defend ourselves. A never ending cycle begins when these behaviors are set on repeat. A perfect description of pride and a clear call to repentance comes from President Ezra Taft Benson in his conference address titled (read it here). He said, "Pride adversely affects all our relationships—our relationship with God and His servants, between husband and wife, parent and child, employer and employee, teacher and student, and all mankind." Thankfully pride is not a terminal illness we are powerless to stop. President Benson taught, "The antidote for pride is humility—meekness, submissiveness. It is the broken heart and the contrite spirit"

 

Goddard used the visual of a flat tire in a struggling relationship. Most relationships experience bumpy times on a rough road. He said, "Appreciating is more powerful than correcting. Appreciation inflates the tires on which we travel. Criticism is a slow leak in those tires." The important questions we need to ask are more about the changes we need to make within rather than the ones we see in our spouse. How can I build my partner up? What good qualities do I see in my spouse? Is my will aligned with God? When we seek answers to these questions our hearts can be softened.